I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
