btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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