two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
