I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
