He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm always down for nudity.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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