Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
