i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
