i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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