i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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