Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
