Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
