Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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