dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
