I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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