I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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