I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
