i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
