If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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