I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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