when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
