party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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