Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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