I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i will never coherently bang her
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
