no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
