i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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