A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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