Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
