Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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