i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
