dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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