i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
