i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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