oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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