I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
