ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
