I cannot find my penis.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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