Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Drake has all the answers
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
