I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
