Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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