too bad you live with your parents still
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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