I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
