are you still at the devil's house?
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
