So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The air was thick with penises
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
