We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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