Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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