well I can't set my house on fire every night
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
