So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Randomize
