I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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