i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Randomize
