OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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