I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
