My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
