awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I need to calm my uterus...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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