she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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