His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
