its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
COCAINE IS GR8
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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