I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
