and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
