In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
