Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
