Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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